OASIS: THE ART OF TRANSFORMATION

learning to live creatively with illness. by lisa lambon

How do you return to living when the life that you had has been decimated by serious illness? When you know that the future may be limited and have good reason to fear what it might hold? When you can no longer make sense of the world that you live in? A health crisis often precipitates a search for meaning, bringing us face to face with huge philosophical questions. What is the meaning of suffering? What do I believe about death? How do I make the best use of my life now that I am living on the edge?

Being diagnosed with cancer at 38 caused me to question every aspect of my life including the most basic tenets by which I live. Nothing made sense anymore; everything was up for grabs. Despite my instructions to my medical team to issue the most aggressive treatment available, in truth, I viewed death as imminent. The only thing I knew for sure was that I desperately wanted to live. My instinct was to run off into the sunset with a child in each hand and eat chocolate for the rest of my life. How was I supposed to balance this with the fact that despite my predicament, the world just keeps on turning? With the necessity to send them to school and the austere diet the nutritionist advised? With the fact that my peers were still having babies when I was potentially facing the end of my life?

I needed to make sense of my experience and I was aware that other people had managed to do so, even if their bodies did not heal. How they had achieved this was a complete mystery to me. My grief and self blame were overwhelming. I had read endless books about recovery and applied myself to all manner of complementary therapy but it was my mind and my spirit that needed healing and I did not know where to start. Mainstream medicine struggles to address these issues; I have a wonderful Consultant and had been offered various support groups but I felt they were not for me. I knew I needed someone wise to guide me but there seemed to be no arena in my everyday life to address the questions I faced. Serious illness, especially if it is life threatening, continues to be shrouded in taboo and within my social circle at least, no one had experienced these issues before.

Oasis provided the opportunity I needed. The programme was formulated by Melanie Taylor, a counsellor who transformed her own life as a result of serious illness. Part support group, part learning experience, it offers participants a practical toolkit for living as well as providing the space to explore the spiritual meaning of illness. At its foundation lies an appreciation that illness can initiate an inner journey which goes hand in hand with the outer medical experience. It grew out of the anthroposophic approach to medicine which has at its core the idea that the individual is not simply a body; there’s also a psyche and personality to take into account. Its’ strength is that it focuses on the health forces within the individual and not just the disease. In this context, it is easy to understand why it has been described by one participant as ‘my health promotion group.’

Combining talking therapy with spiritual exercises and artistic work, Oasis takes participants through a curriculum which covers three ten week pathways spread over the period of a year. The group meets for one morning each week and has a maximum of eight participants. A typical group may include men and women from twenty to eighty living with any significant health condition. The groups are led by a trained counsellor and an art therapist. Information shared remains confidential within the group providing participants with the freedom to express themselves in a way that is not always possible elsewhere.

Each session starts with a verse and moves on to individual sharing which often leads to wider conversation about the big philosophical issues. What does it mean when people tell me to ‘be strong?’ How do I negotiate the medical treadmill? How do I take control of my life now that I relate to the world so differently? There will then be a point of learning focused on a specific theme, perhaps supported by a healing story or piece of secular literature. After a break, time is spent on an artistic exercise, often using pastels or clay. The artwork gives time for reflection on the theme and acts as a relaxing counterbalance to the sharing.

I was very anxious when I first started Oasis but I felt I had little to lose. Given my energy levels at the time, the hour’s journey was a big commitment. I was also wary of meeting other people with the same level of emotional pain. However, I felt an immediate benefit in that my sense of isolation reduced. It was helpful to set aside a morning to look at the issues my illness raised; I found I could get on better with the rest of my week knowing that I would be attending to them on a Thursday. In the second pathway, I was asked to examine the basic tenets of my life such as my biography, my domestic situation and the rhythms of my week. This helped me see what had brought me to the position I was in, to take responsibility for my illness without reproach and to begin to imagine a future for myself. I was given psychological exercises to practice and was astonished to find that one of them stopped my frequent nightmares. I also formed relationships that really matter to me.

My diagnosis and extensive medical treatment had stripped me of my confidence. I did not know who I was anymore. Oasis has not just given me back my life, it has allowed me to piece together a much better life than I have ever had before. I no longer see myself as dying but very much alive. Instead of cancer dominating 95% of my thoughts, it now has power over maybe 5% of my day. I am able to cope with medical reviews and the inevitable wait for test results more easily. I have reinvented myself as a writer and feel able to commit to long term projects which would have been unthinkable a year ago.

My physical health is good and that makes it much easier to stay psychologically well but I believe now that even if my disease progresses, I will have a very different approach to dealing with it. My world has not changed much from a year ago but my relationship to it is radically transformed. I can hardly believe it myself, but at the moment I feel able to live happily with cancer. I could not have achieved this on my own and I am very grateful to Oasis.